NINE : Enough

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‘Mommy?’

‘Yes baby girl, everything okay?’ Feggy replied as she knelt in the garden picking kalembula with the help of her son Joseph.

Over the past few months since Gershom had abandoned them, this tiny patch in the backyard had been their lifesaver. The vegetable had become the children’s favourite relish. She was already thinking of extending the patch.

‘Hey Sandie, are you done with the TV? Can I come and watch now?’ Joseph called out.

‘No,’ the little girl pouted and lifted one finger, then two. ‘Just two more?’

‘That is what you said two hours ago.’

‘Hey, I thought you said you would help me prepare lunch for granny?’

Joseph smiled up at his mother sheepishly. ‘Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, I will help you.’

Feggy smiled at him before looking up at her six-year-old. ‘What is the matter, baby girl? Did you want something? Are you hungry?’

Sandra shook her head and glanced over her shoulder. ‘No. It is daddy. He is home.’

Feggy’s hand stilled over the vegetable leaves. She waited for the feeling of excitement that used to wash over her whenever Gershom came home.

It never came.

‘Alright, I will be right in. Go on and watch your TV,’ she said after a moment.

Unlike in the past, when she would rush in to welcome him, cater to his needs, and ask about his day, Feggy continued to pick the vegetables from their stalks and chat with her son. She only went in after she had washed the vegetables in the kitchen and given Joseph his instructions.

‘I see you finally found your way home,’ she said when she reached the bedroom. ‘Welcome home.’

Gershom sat on the edge of the bed rummaging through the small metal trunk where they kept important documents, and did not bother to acknowledge her.

‘There are some papers on the table. Sign them. I need to deliver them to the courthouse.’

‘What papers?’ Puzzled, she reached for the large envelope. She pulled out the papers, read them, and then chuckled in disbelief. ‘Is this a joke? What is the meaning of this?’

Having found what he was looking for, he stood, holding a large brown envelope. ‘You have known this day would come. Do not act so surprised.’

‘Actually I am not surprised at all. I just assumed that, like the coward you are, you would continue trading with one foot in both camps.’ She paused. ‘And the children? Are you divorcing them too?’

‘Yolanda and I are starting a new life together. It is not fair to bring excess baggage into that.’

Feggy stared at him. Her blood ran cold.

‘Wow. You truly are the epitome of everything idiotic.’

Gershom scoffed. If her boldness surprised him, he chose not to show it. ‘By the way, Yolanda and I will be visiting mother at the hospital this evening. Do me a favour and make yourself scarce, even if it is just for an hour.’

‘Gershom, are you well in the head? Do you care for your mother at all? She is in that hospital because of the two of you!’

‘No. Do not twist things. She is there because of your meddlesome sister. Her actions put my mother in hospital.’

‘Do not you dare shift the blame onto my sister!’

‘Who else will I blame? Everything happening to my mother is on you and your sister.’

‘It must be wonderful to live in a world where nothing is ever your fault.’

‘Think what you want, Feggy. Now that I have made things clear, I hope you will do us both the favour of not making this difficult. All I want is a quiet divorce so I can begin my life with Yolanda.’

‘You know what you can do with these stupid divorce papers?’

She ripped them in two and threw the pieces at his face.

A mocking chuckle left his mouth. ‘Do you think that stops anything? Tear as many copies as you like. I will still file at the courts.’ He looked at her with something close to contempt. ‘You surprise me, Feggy. Have I not made myself clear enough? I do not want you anymore. Do you have to cling on so desperately even knowing my heart is no longer yours? How much lower do you have to go before you accept that no matter what you do, we are finished?’

‘And what about the children? What happens to them while you go off to build your new life? How can you be this heartless?’

‘What is done is done. I fell out of love with you. I cannot force myself to stay for the sake of the children. And once the divorce is finalised, I do not want you around my family.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘We both know they are fond of you. But do you not think it is selfish to keep yourself close to them when we have nothing left between us? As long as you are around, they will never accept Yolanda. I am asking this as a favour. Do not make me lose the little respect I have left for you. Let us cut ties and be strangers.’

‘And I ask again. Does that include the children?’

‘There you go, using the children to manipulate me.’

‘Manipulate you? Bashi Joseph, listen to yourself. We both chose this marriage. We both chose to build this family. Do not speak as though I dragged you to the altar.’

‘If it is money you are worried about, I can provide something for the children until they turn eighteen, if you agree to an amicable divorce.’

‘Do not bother. I have taken care of my children for the past year without you and I will continue to do so. I am not disabled. I am more than capable. And even if I were not, I would still move heaven and earth for them.’

‘Whatever. Suit yourself. Do not come turning this around on me later.’

‘Just go, Bashi Joseph. Go and marry that girl. I am done with you. But remember this, once you walk out that door today and dare to marry that woman, this family no longer exists for you.’

Unaffected, he turned and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Watching him leave, uncaring for what he was destroying, Feggy felt her heart twist.

She still loved him. She had never stopped. But what could she do when he no longer loved her, no longer cared for the three innocent souls they had made together? How long was she supposed to wait for him to come back to his senses? How long could she go on trying to force a man to love her the way he once had?

At the sound of his car leaving the yard, tears streamed down her face.

The irrational part of her — the part that still loved him madly — wanted her to run after him. To beg him to reconsider. To say she would accept it all, even his other family, if it meant keeping him.

But the rational part of her, the part that was tired of being treated as second best, the part that had been humiliated by him and by Yolanda in front of strangers, told her to hold on to what little dignity she had left.

The hurting part of her – the part that had stayed up night after night, sometimes for days at a stretch, waiting for him to remember he had a family – refused to be subjected to this any longer.

And the part of her that had looked into the hungry eyes of her children while waiting for him to change said quietly, firmly: enough.

As the sound of the engine faded and the tears continued to fall, a pair of small arms wrapped around her.

She looked up.

Joseph stood before her. Sandra had pressed herself against her side, her little arms holding on. Neither of them had made a sound coming in.

‘It will be alright, mommy,’ Sandra whispered, resting her head on her shoulder.

Joseph stepped forward, wiped her tears with his hand, and held on to hers.

Feggy looked at the two of them and pulled them both into a fierce, tight hug.

‘Of course it will,’ she said. ‘Because I have you three.’

And as she held them, she made herself a quiet promise — that these would be the last tears she would ever shed for Gershom Chomba and his love.

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© Ponda

VOCAB

Kalembula — sweet potato leaves, a popular and nutritious relish in Zambia

Bashi Joseph — father of Joseph; a respectful way of addressing a man by his firstborn child’s name